THE OTHER DAY we lacked one man to complete the minyan so kaddish could be said.
I stood at the door, watching for the 10th man.
We missed the first kaddish (before hodu).
Turns out there was a guy sitting in his car, apparently unaware that when a tallit-clad man stands at the door obviously looking for something, that person is looking for The Tenth Man.
WE ARE A "NETZ" MINYAN which means we start earlier than anyone else in the neighborhood.
There's another congregation down the street and when it had a daily minyan the rabbi often could be seen standing by the street waiting for The Tenth Man. Usually if we saw him standing there as we headed home or to work from our minyan we'd turn in and make sure kaddish could be said.
It became obvious the guy who could have been our Tenth Man this morning felt uncomfortable; out of his element.
He was waiting for a semi-regular. (I've got to talk to the semi-regular about getting in on time; nice guy, young fellow, and our future.)
When the semi-regular showed up, both came inside in time for the "second chance kaddish" immediately before Bruk S'Amar (nusach Sefard).
We could tell the visitor was not a regular - he needed help to put on tefillin. With us it's not a big deal to help someone; we had a young fellow who had to have help for a couple of weeks - he couldn't get the hang of the Sefardi wrap - but he kept trying and we kept helping. He finally got it down . . . and then returned to the snow and ice of New York.
Maybe it's an "observant Jew" thing to be willing to take even a few minutes to fill out a minyan for kaddish. Or maybe it’s a matter of chutzpah to walk into a s strange synagogue sans invitation and expect to feel like you belong.
IT HAPPENED ONE TIME IN ISRAEL - in Zefat to be exact - and I was on my way to catch a bus to "net-tzha-ret", wherever that was, when a fellow standing by a courtyard gate accosted me with "We need you for kaddish; just a few minutes." I was overjoyed; someone wanted me for my body. "But," I replied, "I've already prayed." Not discouraged, he ushered me into the mourner's home.
The delay was not critical; there are relatively frequent buses from Zefat to Haifa and on to Nazareth a/k/a " net-tzha-ret." (My Hebrew was even worse then.)
From them on, I have shown up at Jewish funerals, done bikur holem (visits to the sick), and sat as a shomer for deceased Jews. My spouse and I, on vacation in Myrtle Beach SC, even managed to get invited to a brit. (Interesting event; Israeli couple who attended Chabad held the brit in the Syrian synagogue.)
BACK TO THE SHY VISITOR. I well recall my first visit to my late Father-In-Law's synagogue in Bet Shean. I would have been lost without his guidance, but due to his presence, people made room for this obviously out-of-place visitor. (To this day, when I visit Bet Shean I'm known primarily as one of Eliyahu's sons-in-law.)
It can be tough in some places where no one gives a visitor a clue where to sit or find a sedur, but in the many different congregations I've visited, only rarely has anyone been anything but kind. I go EXPECTING to be welcome.
Sometimes when I'm greeted like a long-lost rich relative I know I'm The Tenth Man, but even when I'm not, 99 times out of 100 someone will point me to a vacant spot, and if it's Monday or Thursday, I might even be offered an honor.
ON THE TOPIC OF VISITOR HONORS, why are visitors so often asked to open the ark? Which way do the doors open; is the curtain pushed to the side or is it on a pulley? Someone will have pity on the visitor and signal him instructions, but it might be better to let the visitor carry the Torah from and to the aron hakodesh.
It's a shame the guy felt so uncomfortable and out of place that he hid in his car until his friend showed up. Maybe next time he'll feel at home.
There is a here-for-a-week visitor who has found a place next to me in the back of the shul. Having heard him read Torah, I know he's no stranger to synagogues. He came in, made himself comfortable, and Baruk HaBah. THAT'S the attitude all Jews should have when they visit a "strange" congregation.
