Should'a been a surgeon

I do several things everyone thinks he or she can do.

I am a writer. At one point I was a "journalist" which for me is a fancy title for reporter.

From newspapers I went into PR and from PR into technical writing.

Everyone is a writer.

If you don't believe me, do a search on almost any subject and you'll come up with pages and pages of blog entries.

I am a photographer.

Although I took my first pictures long before I became a reporter (and those with a fixed everything "620" box camera), I bought my first "real" camera - a Honeywell Pentax H3v - when I was a reporter for Gannett's Titusville FL newspaper. I bought a Canon F1 while working as a reporter-slash-editor at the Harrisburg Patriot-News, a Newhouse property. I still have the F1 and an older FTb I "picked up" along the way.

I also own a Cambo 4*5 technical camera with both Polaroid and 6*7 cm ("120") film backs. I wish I could afford to take pictures with it.

I have a Minolta digi-cam that cost a lot but never worked; I should have waited for the Canon digi-cam with interchangeable lenses (I've got this beautiful 20mm that would be great on a digi-cam).

Anyway, as with writing, everyone who owns a camera is a "pro."

Still using an antique "still" camera? No problem - put a motor on it and rip through 100 feet of film in no time. Surely there will be at least ONE good shot in the bunch.

Digi-cam? Put it on video and again, there will be at least one image worth saving.

Everyone is a photographer.

I am, professionally, an enterprise risk management - slash - business continuity - slash - COOP practitioner.

Funny thing is, even though many people lack basic comprehension of what I do, they know that they, too, can do it and just as well, thank you.

The fact that not everyone can write a grammatically correct sentence doesn't bother anyone - not even some people working in the "media."

The fact that there is a pipe growing out of Little Johnny's head - well, we'll crop it out later.

Finally, the little matter of overlooking risks to our lives and livelihood - hey, not to worry, the risk never will occur.

I should'a been a surgeon. I love the commercial where a "doctor" is instructing his patient by phone to "make an incision above the rib" to start some do-it-yourself surgery. How many of us are going to practice medicine on a loved one without the benefit of med school, internship, and residency?

But I LIKE writing and taking pictures and even helping people avoid risks (and respond when the risk insists on occurring despite our best efforts).

I have a long-time friend who went from being an English major to a statistician to a tech writer (I told you everyone thinks they can be a tech writer) to being a programmer.

Mind, my friend was/is good at all of the above - although I seem to recall "helping" with the tech writing, but perhaps my friend has a different opinion about my "help."

As I wrote at the beginning of this tirade, everyone seems to think they can do what (I think) I do.

Maybe they can do what I do, but I like to think I do it better.

An old story comes to mind.

Geezer finally retires from the rag trade (no, no translations) and moves to Florida with his wife of many, many years.

Geezer buys a boat and a suitable outfit.

He then invites The Wife to see the boat and maybe go out for a little cruise around the bay.

The Wife looks at the boat and the Geezer and says:

"To you you're a captain.

"To me you're a captain.

"But to a captain are you a captain?"

That's about how it is with my professions.

Everyone thinks they are a "captain" when they've never even been a Seaman Apprentice.

I should'a been a surgeon.

Yohanon
Yohanon.Glenn @ gmail.com

Of "gooder grammer"

I have a couple of email addresses.

For the most part, the hosts do a pretty good job of identifying spam and isolating it.

Sometimes - most of the time - I trust the host and delete the spam folder contents without checking it.

But sometimes, just to be sure the host isn't dumping desired mail into the spam folder, I check it myself.

Which I did today.

I am left wondering how anyone could be conned into some of the things that appear in their mail box.

I give you the following subject lines as examples:

---

Cheap price Degree/Bacheelor/MasteerMBA/PhDD certificate

I want sale you rolex . Do you want one?

SOLD OUT -- -Gucci or Louis Vuitton products

SOLD OUT -- - I Selling Rolexes and other watches? DO uou want?

---

The one selling degrees caught my eye first - OK, it was at the top of the list.

Whoever created the subject line had stuttering fingers. BacheElor/MasteErMBC/PhDD. And what, pray, is a PhD "certificate." (I'm sure it is "suitable for framing.")

Grammar seems to be too much of a bother for many spammers.

"I want sale you rolex." If the initial "I" had been lower case, I might think this was a message from Don Marquis' pal, Archie (the cockroach), save that Archie used "gooder grammer."

I always am amused by SOLD OUT screamers.

If the item is sold out, why bother me?

That's akin to seeing gasoline advertised on the tube for $1.99/gallon (remember when we thought that was outrageous?). When you pull into the station the price on the pump is $3.99 (alas, now considered a "good" price). Go into the office (if you can) and complain "I want $1.99/gallon gas." The attendant, if he or she can comprehend your obviously ludicrous request, will tell you "go buy the gas from your tv."

Granted, I went to "grammar" school when Hector was a pup, and I know things have changed over the years, but good grief, are idiots "educating" our young? Are our young incapable of learning and applying basic English skills? Are French speakers equally ill-prepared to communicate?

It's one thing to create a minor grammar faux pas, e.g., subject:number errors, but some of the subject lines that violate our vision are beyond laughable; they are pathetic.

Life in the fast lane.

Yohanon
Yohanon.Glenn @ gmail.com

Bil'am - G-d's prophet a bad guy?

This week we learn about a fellow named Bil'am who is a lead player in Parasha Balak. B'Midbar (Numbers) 22:2 - 25:9

The rabbis have painted Bil'am as a bad as they come.

Yet, at the very beginning of the portion we learn that Bil'am is a prophet of HaShem.

When Balak, Moab's king, first set of messengers pay Bil'am a visit, he tells them to cool their heels while he checks with his Boss to see if he should go with them back to Balak's place.

When G-d tells him "No way," he relays the message to the messengers and send them packing.

So far, no complaints from the rabbis.

Balak, convinced that Bil'am is one powerful dude, sends a second set of messengers, this group more important - at least in Balak's eyes - than the one that went before.

This group tries to win Bil'am over, but he tells them that no matter what Balak may offer - a room filled with silver - he can only speak the words G-d puts into his mouth.

But wait, since HaShem previously told Bil'am he should stay home, Bil'am tells the second group to spend the night while he asks G-d if He's changed his mind.

Mind you, Bil'am - unlike Abraham with whom he is negatively compared - is not arguing with G d, he's simply asking if maybe G-d has decided to "stick it" to Balak by turning Balak's wishes against Balak.

Abraham argued with HaShem over S'dom. Abraham managed to get G-d to "change His mind" about wiping out the city if there were but 50, 40, 30, even 10 righteous people in town.

Moses challenged G-d - frequently. If You're going to blot out this people, I don't want to be in Your Torah! So there! How many times did Moses remind HaShem that if he did what the malcontents whined about - "You took us from the fleshpots of Egypt to let us die in the wilderness" - He would be playing into the hands of the unbelievers.

Compared to Bil'am's double-checking with his Boss, Moses was a master of chutzpah . . . and the rabbis tell us Moses was the most humble person to walk this earth.

Consider for a moment that if HaShem had not wanted Bil'am to go with Balak's messengers why were the messengers allowed to arrive at Bil'am's door in the first place.

Now, having warned Balak's messengers - both sets, in fact - that he could (would?) only speak the word's HaShem puts into his mouth, Bil'am saddles his donkey and sets off.

Suddenly, without any obvious provocation, HaShem seems to have changed His mind - something at least one commentator insists G-d will not do - and becomes angry with Bil'am.

It's not clear, by reading the Torah, why G-d suddenly was wroth with His prophet.

The commentators have a field day with this sudden change of heart on HaShem's part (again, if G-d won't change His mind, what happened here?) and, a few verses later when Bil'am's donkey speaks.

Do any other animals speak in Torah bik-tav? I think the donkey is unique in this respect.

Why was the angel standing in the way with drawn sword? Why was the donkey able to see the angel and not Bil'am - or anyone else? Why would the angel need a sword, an earthly weapon?

Ba'al pei (Talmud) and the commentators have their answers, but the Torah (bik-tav) is silent.

Maybe the angel, which Bil'am finally discerned, was like the cop on the corner - a reminder for us to obey the law, or in Bil'am's case, The Law.

We recently concluded Hukat where we were reminded that there are laws we are meant to understand and laws which are beyond our comprehension.

I think Bil'am's story is, at least for me, something "beyond (my) comprehension."

Given what preceded the donkey tale and what followed - Bil'am blessing Israel - there is "reasonable doubt" that the rabbis may have erred in condemning this man who the Torah (bik-tav) clearly states is G-d's prophet.

But I'm not a rabbi and I don't play one on tv.

Yohanon
Yohanon.Glenn @ gmail.com