שידוך For boys who stay home

I was actually paying attention as the hazan was reading חיי שרה last Shabat and I was struck that Abraham had to send his servant/slave (עבד) to find a wife for his son Isaac.

Because I have a curious mind, I started to wonder: Why couldn't Isaac get up and go off to Haran, from whence his father came, to find a wife? Others had managed to find wives on their own. I can't give HaShem credit for the first sheduk (שידוך) since Havah, a/k/a Eve, was taken from Adam; no one asked her if she wanted him, and a sheduk is made when both sides agree.

I asked a rabbi I know why it is that

• Ishmael found a wife who gave him 12 tribes (בראשית י''ד כ)
  
• Yakov was sent to find a wife (בראשית כ''ח 2) and found two.
  
• Esau found a wife for himself. (בראשית כ''ח 9)
  
• The kings of Israel found wives for political advantage.
  
• The sons of Benjamin found wives (dancing before them).
  
• Ruth found a husband (Boaz).
Isaac, on the other hand, had to have a wife brought to him (בראשית כ''ד 4).

In fact, Abraham cautions his servant that if the servant fails to find a wife for Isaac in Haran, he is not to take Isaac to Haran (בראשית כ''ד). According to a footnote in the Soncino humash, 2nd edition (page 82), Abraham was concerned that Isaac - who midrash tells us was raised in a yeshiva - might abandon the land promised to Abraham.

The rabbi asked me if this wasn't how it - finding a bride - was done presumably in Isaac's time. I replied that I am old - certainly older than the rabbi - but I'm not THAT old. Then he asked how it was done in the 19th century. Again, I'm not so old that I was alive in the 1800s. (It is confusing - the 1900s were the 20th century; I know that because I used to go to to movies and often saw "20th Century Fox" displayed on the big screen.)

Isaac has a reputation for staying close to home; he was a placeholder for Judaism between his father and his son Yakov; Abraham did things and went places; ditto Yakov whereas midrash tells us that Isaac stayed home and studied in yeshiva. Midrash is interesting, but it is not Torah.

Was Isaac a Momma's boy? Was he unfit to travel to find a bride? Was he, as Abraham may have thought (given the Soncino footnote) weak willed and easily influenced?

Conjecture. Supposition. Certainly not rabbinicaly sanctioned thoughts. But then I'm not a rabbi, nor am I a heretic. None of the avot (or emahot) are perfect; all fall short.

 

Quick Quiz

Q1: How many times did HaShem command: "Be fruitful and multiply"?

Q2: How many times does HaShem tell us "Don't cook a kid in its mother's milk"?

A1: 3 - בראשית א' 22, א' 28, ט' 1

A2: 3 - דברים י''ד 21 ,שמות ל''ד 26 , שמות כ''ג 19

What was Abraham thinking On the way to the Akedah?

R. Ya'aqob Menashe, in his Torah Minute titled Wayyera: Why Is it Not Called Isaac's Test?. raises an interesting question.

I kept R. Menashe's spelling that reflects his pronunciation of Hebrew.

He writes that "The Alshikh, 'a"h, asks a very interesting question. Shouldn't the Torah have said that G-d tested Abraham and Isaac? After all, it was a very major test for Yis-haq Abinu (Isaac), also. He was 37 years old and was willingly going to sacrifice himself."

Keeping in mind that I am not a rabbi and I do not play one on tv, my take on the Akedah is a bit different than many, including real rabbis (and a few on tv as well).

R. Menashe continues quoting the Alshikh as follows: "He answers that there is a difference between Abraham Abinu, 'a"h, and Yis-haq Abinu, 'a"h. Yis-haq Abinu, 'a"h, represents the attribute of justice (Din). This means that his entire desire and entity was to do the will of G-d without any hesitation or second thoughts. Abraham Abinu, 'a"h, on the other hand, represents the attribute of kindness (Hesed), and desired kindness and mercy. We see this clearly in how he even tried to find some merit to save the wicked people of Sedom."
The critical words are, IMO, "Abraham Abinu, 'a"h, on the other hand, represents the attribute of kindness (Hesed), and desired kindness and mercy."

Abraham must believe that HaShem has the same traits. He tells the young men who traveled with him and Yitzak to "Stay here with the ass while I and the lad (Yitzak) go to the mountain (in Moriah); we will go and worship and come back to you." (Genesis 22, 5)

True, he goes through the motions: he tells Yitzak to load up the wood - Yitzak is at this point 37-years-old so even if, according to the midrash, he spent all his time in the tents, he probably was strong enough to tote the load; he takes the fire and the knife and father and son go off together.

At one time, when my sons were little, I misread יחדו (together) as ידו (hand-in-hand). I liked that better, even if Yitzak was 37 at the time. When I was 37 I walked hand-in-hand with my Father-In-Law ע''ה and now, with my first born nearing 37, he walks hand-in-hand with me.

Abraham had a relationship with HaShem that allowed him to bargain, perhaps argue, with HaShem (think of Sodom). Isn't it reasonable to think that Abraham would believe in his heart that "worshipping" HaShem he could convince HaShem to "rethink" his order to offer Yitzak for a burnt offering? (Genesis 22, 2)

In addition to the confidence in HaShem that Abraham developed since he was Abram, he knew that G-d promised him his descendents would become a "goy gadol," a great nation; since Abraham already - at Sara's demand and G-d's acquiesce - had sent Ismael away (and Ismael was no child at the time), Yitzak was Abraham's only hope that G-d would honor His promise to make of Abraham a "goy gadol."

As Abraham and Yitzak are walking, Yitzak queries his father (Genesis 22, 7): "We have the fire and the wood, (but) where is the lamb for a burnt offering?" Abraham replies, and I think probably with the confidence of a person who "walks with G-d," "HaShem will provide the lamb for the burnt offering." The verse ends with "and they went on together (יחדו).

At the end of R. Menashe's brief, the rabbi comments that "When G-d commanded him (Abraham) to sacrifice his son, he had to make a 180 degree about turn and change his whole nature from kindness to justice, and take a knife in his hand to slaughter his son."

I don't understand where "justice" comes to play in the Akedah. The Torah never suggests than either Yitzak or Abraham did anything to require capital punishment

But maybe I'm missing something.

Ben Bag Bag said: Turn the Torah over and over for everything is in it. Look into it, grow old and worn over it, and never move away from it, for you will find no better portion than it." (Pirke Avot, 5, 26)

הריני מקבל עלי מצוה עשה של ואהבת לרעך כמוך, והריני אוהב כל אחד מבני ישראל כנפשי ומאודי